The unthinkable has happened in the Smash community within the last month. Mr. T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas has found himself wrapped up in multiple acts of tax fraud, as he himself can attest to:
This exposure couldn't have come at a worse time. Now, with all the legal issues going on, there's no way anyone's gonna get him a contract extension to reprise his role in Smash 5. I never thought it would be possible, but it looks like one of the Original 12 will have their career bite the dust.
Now, I'm sure our beloved admin Plasmaster will be overjoyed to hear this news, but I kind of think most of the Smash community will react in the opposite way. Nintendo can't simply leave a character like Yoshi out of the game entirely, so what can they do to fix the unfixable? Well, right now I see two possible ways.
Yoshi not being present in Smash 5 will likely not be something people get over quickly, but it might help if Nintendo brings in a similar type of character to replace him. Right now, I can think of three that might do the trick.
The first option is to simply cast another Yoshi. Actually, thinking back, Yoshi would be by far the best Original 12 member to recast because you can just replace him with Yoshi! It may be required to cast aside his usual green in favor of one of the other-color Yoshis, but it'd only be a cosmetic difference. However, I could see some legal issues with this. First, since Yoshi is currently still at large (which we'll get to see in the upcoming game Yoshi Commits Tax Fraud Deluxe for Nintendo Switch), he could easily pretend to be another Yoshi and dupe us all into letting him back into the game. Also, these are only rumors at this point, but I have heard that the tax fraud may not just be Yoshi withholding a few pennies from the government; it may be part of a conspiracy among the entire island of Yoshis in an unprecedented display of corruption and bribery. Don't want to get involved in that mess.
The next option is...a-Mario! You know how in Super Mario Odyssey when he takes control of a T-Rex? He just needs to do that now, and we can have a sick-looking dinosaur...palette swap for Mario. Wait, what? Well, demonic possession is a tricky thing, and while Mario's inhabiting some poor dino's tiny brain, his empty husk of a body won't be able to fight. So with that all said and done, Mario trying to be Yoshi's replacement will probably just be more trouble than it's worth.
It's all ogre for Yoshi now.
So that brings me to the final option, and what I consider to be the best one. Shrek has had a lot going for him since even before Smash 4 came out, and his exclusion from the roster was a clear misstep that I still can't believe the production team made. But now, there's a golden opportunity for him to come in, because the two characters really do have a lot in common. They're both green, and they, well...uh...y'know how ogres are like onions because they have layers? Shrek's layered personality makes him perfect to not only capture Yoshi's highly complex nature, but to develop it and make it go beyond what everybody thought it could go. That's also not to mention Shrek's obvious market appeal. As the main character of the now-defunct but still globally acclaimed smartphone game Pocket Shrek, Shrek is exactly the kind of guy Nintendo, a company beginning to test the waters of the smartphone game market, needs to appeal to their new customer base.
...But even when Shrek gets announced for this game, will that still be enough? Can Yoshi possibly ever be forgotten by fans?
You were my brother, Yoshi! I loved you!
See, in spite of Yoshi's tax fraud, I still see potential for him to fill a role in Smash 5 quite well...the role of the final boss. It would require the verdict of the highest courts, but I think this would be a great way for Yoshi to serve out his sentence. Now, as a hardened criminal, he will be a sign to kids that crime never pays, and teaches them the agony that a life of crime will bring them as they will be forced to pound in the face of the character they once loved and maybe even mained. Leaving Yoshi to his own devices outside of the game may cause children to be ignorant of the despicable nature of tax fraud and possibly even encourage them to do the deed in an attempt at ignorant rebellion. Thus, it is imperative that Yoshi stays in this game to serve as a grim reminder of the pitfalls of celebrity culture, which will be a truly fitting moral for a mindless, plotless, fighting game and goes along perfectly with the established moral of "No Johns".
Thoughts on the results of Yoshi's crimes? Any moveset suggestions for Shrek? Do you think the police will be willing to give into Yoshi's demand to add wavedashing in Smash 5 in order to arrest him? Comment below!