User blog:Grc2003/Cranky Kong Plays Mario Kart 7, Part 1

I'm Grc2003. You may know me from my popular SSB5 Fan Rosters blog. Well, I'm going to be starting up a new series of blogs: Cranky Kong Plays. In it, Cranky Kong plays (and rants about) various Wii U and 3DS games. This will be those rantings written down as a blog. Comment for your favorite Wii U or 3DS game, and I'll choose one for the next Cranky Kong plays, occasionally bringing back old ones. Without further ado, for this first blog, Cranky Kong will play Mario Kart 7 for the 3DS.

Cranky Kong Plays
All right, sonny, I finally got those Wii U and 3DS jimjams, and I got that Mario Kart 7 game you like. Are you happy? Let's see what this Mario Kart thing is. Okay, so I'm guessing this is where I choose my character? Why are you in this? Anyhoo, I'm thinking I'll play as Mario this time. What's this? Is this some sorta slot machine jimjam? Wait a darn minute, this must be that kart customization thing you told me about! Okay, so I think I'll start with what you call, "The basic stuff" whatever that means. So, now do I select where I want to race? Yeah, I choose my cup? I think I'll go with this thing, what's it called again, the Mushroom Cup? Back in my time, we didn't have these 3D jimjams. So is this where I race? Why are there giant Toad balloons everywhere? Ah, this is the Toad Circuit, yeah? So you told me I do this to accelerate, this to reverse, this to drift, this to use items, and this to steer? Okay, I gotcha. Hey, this is like the old, "retro" music but different, they added different sounds-what's that called? A remix? Thassit, a remix. Anyhoo, let's start this race already! Boy, this 3DS jimjam might have worse whatchamacallit-processing power?-than the game I was in. So, I make this turn and-what just hit me? Was that an item, sonny? One of those item jimjams? Looks like it was one of those old Green Shells to me. Is that a question block over there? Huh? That's an Item Box? I can get some sorta item? Okey-dokey. So, I can just throw this shell at that racer up there? Hey, I'm in first place! For now, this should be easy-peasy! So I just cruiser along and-WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT? Is that one of those Spiny Shells? The ones that hit the person in first place? Boy, I'm getting' real tired of this monkey business. It was way better back with the old classic games like Super Mario Bros and Donkey Kong Country and that one game I can't remember. It was called somethin' Legend somethin' somethin' Zelda. This jimjam is dumb! I'm just gonna turn this jimjam off and-oh, darn it, you warned me not to just turn the thing off!