User:Highwaypumpy/Poems and Stories

One
Joe was walking down the sidewalk one day when he discovered a helpless muffin in the middle of the road. He quickly ran to the muffin’s aid. Suddenly an 18 wheeler going at 70 miles an hour ran right over Joe. He was yet another victim of the muffin trap. Billy turned off the TV. The murders were getting worse and worse. First Jell-o guns and now there were muffin traps! Bill went out the front door of his house to go for a little walk. Suddenly, a person in a sleeping bag attacked him. All Billy could see of his attacker was a red sleeping bag and some blue converse. Billy made a run for it. The sleeping bag person said bluraghetyblarg. Suddenly the sleeping bag man stopped. He then made a noise as if he were smelling the air. Then he suddenly let out a raucous cheer of “MUFFIN!” and he walked into the middle of the road to grab a muffin. Suddenly an 18 wheeler going at 70 miles an hour ran right over Billy’s unknown assailer. Bill let out a yell of victory and skipped excitedly home. As he approached the door of his house he tripped over a kitten and suffered a concussion and died. Bob turned off the TV. Bob thought, Oh noes kittens are attacking people now. I hope Fluffy doesn’t turn evil—Suddenly a gigantic werewolf came out of a litter box and leaped onto Bob. Bob shoved the werewolf away and ran out the front door with his cell phone in hand so he could call the cops. Unexpectedly his cell phone exploded, killing Bob. Mike turned off the TV. Abruptly he realized that most of the people who have been dying lately have recently turned off the TV. With that logic, he turned the TV back on. Out of nowhere, a volcano formed on top of the TV and it erupted, setting the room on fire. Suzie closed the newspaper. She had decided that all of the people who had been murdered had not been girls and had been watching the TV. Suzie was reading the newspaper so that excluded her. Also, she was a girl. I am perfectly safe. Nothing will ever happen to me, thought Suzie. Especially not right now. Suddenly her hair burst into flames. She ran into a sprinkler so she could put her hair out and she suddenly realized that the water was boiling! She ran around screaming and accidentally fell into a car crash and died. There is a moral to this story. That moral is that some stories are just plain stupid and have absolutely no moral.

Two
Bob was walking through the woods one day when a spear suddenly fell out of the sky and stabbed him in the back. Bob screamed and ran back to his city which was two feet away. But those two feet were so very long. It was also very hard to run with the spear stuck in his back. The spear kept tilting backwards and hitting him in the rear. Finally, the spear fell out it of his back, but on its way down the tip chopped off his leg. Even while missing a leg, Bob kept on running. At last he made it onto the sidewalk. Suddenly he saw a huge shadow begin to loom over him. He was crushed by a giant foot soon afterwards. The last thing he heard was, "Hey look! A five legged ant! I still can't find my toothpick..."

One
My poem is about a muffin that you bake.

A muffin is a pastry like a cake

But a muffin is much much smaller

and is a bit more of a brawler.

Frosting on muffins is rare

But you can add some if you dare.

On a muffin you are more likely to see

Some kind of delicious berry.

Its color is brown like dirt.

But if you tried to eat dirt it would hurt.

Muffins are very yummy

and they don’t sit like a rock in your tummy.

It has a nice aroma like a flower.

Certainly not the kind that makes you hide and cower.

A muffin has a scent of sugar and berries.

No one can resist the aroma that it carries.

Two
Muffins are a tasty treat.

NOM NOM NOM!!!!!

Muffins are epic and elite.

YUM YUM YUM!!!!!

Muffins aren’t very hard.

SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH!!!!!

So they can fit in a birthday card.

SQUASH SQUASH SQUASH!!!!!

Muffins are better than most food.

EW EW EW!!!!!

Normal food is very crude.

PPBBBBBBTTTTT!!!!!

Muffins are the best.

YAY YAY YAY!!!!!

And they dominate all the rest.

WHOOHOOO!!!!!

Three
This paper aint worth nuffin.

I’d rather have a muffin.

Muffins are sweet.

And epicly neat.

I’d be bluffin.

If I said I’d surrender my muffin.

Four
Joy comes to people when they

see this bloated thing.

It has a rounded top like a mushroom,

but that is where their similarities end.

It’s filled with wonders.

It goes well with breakfast.

The double consonants

make this a fun word to say.

It’s fluffy and puffy

and squashes easily

but it’s just as good

smushed as it is puffed up.

It’s clad in paper.

It smells of fruit.

It comes in two sizes:

mini and normal.