User blog:TheFoolisherFoolishFool/WHY IS ZELDA TERRIBLE?

When the game got out. I got super excited. Like, supes dupes excited. I was so excited, that I did not go on this wiki for a week because I was too busy playing Smash Bros and I wanted the experience to be personal and I did not want to share it with anyone.

So I grabbed the game, made an excuse to not go home and played until I dropped dead with exhaustion. I was really excited to see the new characters, and the changes to pre-existing characters. I played Link and Bowser and they was so much better than past iterations.

Then... I played Zelda.

For those who don't know, Zelda was my main. I played Zelda for her camping game, which was really good as she could spam fireballs until the cows come home and could teleport away when the enemy got close. I liked playing like that. Stop staring at me.

When I played Zelda in the new Smash Bros., I wanted to see all of the changes that will make her better or worse. I have included them below:

1. The most notable change is her new down special. The Phantom Slash. It's pretty much useless. But since I don't play Zelda for summoning sword-wielding knights, I don't really care. Moving on.

2. The Lightning Kick has a slightly bigger hitbox. This was a nice buff but it still is pretty much useless half the time so nothing really changed.

3. EVERYTHING about the Din's Fire. Well when I played Zelda in Brawl, I really enjoyed spamming fireballs to no end. Well, the range has considerably weakened so I can't do that anymore. But hey, changes happen so who cares? Also the hitbox became bigger and the move denies shielding which is pretty neat.

This brings me to my FIRST PROBLEM. One of Zelda's strong points is projectile edgeguarding as the fireballs are impossible to reflect (because the enemy is recovering, shielding means NOTHING). However, if she uses this near the edge of the stage (right in front of it) she will quite literally jump off like a Lemming migration. THAT IS STUPID AS CRAP. if used on the ground AWAY from the egde, she doesn't even MOVE. I don't even know if she did that in Brawl because you could start spamming fireballs in the centre of the stage but in this game, Zelda can't do that because the range of her fireballs is like, a quarter of the original distance. So you can't start edge guarding in the middle of the stage. Bull.

4. The new mechanics of Farore's Wind. This is where it gets even worse.

Before we start, don't go "Oh but there's an explosion when she reappears." Because there ALWAYS WAS ONE. It's just that NO ONE PLAYS ZELDA except me, so know this like the back of my hand. This move would have been completely alrgiht if it was for just ONE FRICKIN' REASON that makes Zelda virtually unplayable - you can't teleport down.

Allow me to explain. When Zelda uses Farore's wind ANYWHERE CLOSE TO THE FRICKIN' GROUND (when I say anywhere, I mean from right above the ground to the maximum jump height Zelda can do.), she will travel a distance forwards, dependent on how close she is to the ground. The only time Zelda can teleport directly down is when she is on the ground and let's be honest here - how many times will you actually use Zelda's teleport directly on the ground?

So how is this a problem? Well now that Zelda is no longer able to teleport directly downwards, That is an approach option OUT the window. Want to surprise unsuspecting opponent charging up smash right underneath you? Nope. Can't attack him now.

But approach is the least of your problems. If you teleport down while in front of the stage, you die instantly, because the distance travelled forward is well past the edge boundary. So your only option when doing that is going towards the middle, where the opponent probably is...holding his shield up... already prepared to counter. So you can't air approach with the teleporting anymore. And that is completely unfair. You can still approach from the sides, but that is super predictable. Palutena has the same problem but the warp does not travel as far, making it less suicidal. It also deals no damage, so it would be used as an escape manouver, rather than an approach option.

At first, I thought this was because the circle pad was terrible. But then I tested it in training so no. It's not because the circle pad. It is evidently a bug. So let me ask this - WHY HASN'T THIS CRAP BEEN FIXED? THIS IS LIKE, ONE OF THE MOST NOTICEABLE PROBLEMS A CHARACTER CAN HAVE AND YOU HAVE LIKE, 200 PLAYTESTERS. DID NO ONE PLAY ZELDA? FIRST LUCAS IS CUT, THEN ZELDA IS UNPLAYABLE? BULL.

This is unexcusable. You know, I played Zelda because I liked playing as Zelda and apparently, no one else did. Apparently Zelda is a disliked character that was never that good to begin with. That's why I played as Zelda. I enjoyed playing as characters that were unliked, because they were generally more fun. I didn't like Meta Knight, I disliked Marth, and I despised Wario (Stupid tier list...) but I enjoyed playing Ness, Lucas, and Zelda.

Sakurai should make a patch, and this should be one of the FIRST things he should fix.

P.S. Don't you dare be all, "Zelda was terrible." Because that is not the point you terrible person.